Because I can't afford sky writing...
...I'm just going to set this in big bold text.
Almost every difficult conversation will involve strong feelings. It is always possible to define a problem without reference to feelings. But that's not true problem-solving. If feelings are the real issue, feelings should be addressed.
This is from a book I'm reading: "Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most
"For further information, contact Mark@agilelab.co.uk (07736 807 604) or Matt@agilelab.co.uk (07713 634 830)
Labels: agile methods, Agile project management, difficult conversations, Feelings, negotiation
posted by Mark Stringer @ 13:24
7 Comments:
Great book.
Also take a look at Beyond Reason, by Dan Shapiro. This book takes an intensive look at emotion and how to address it/them.
Happy reading!
Stephen Frenkel
Director of Negotiation Programs
MWI
www.mwi.org/negotiation
Thanks for the tip (one-clicked from Amazon). I look forward to reading it. I think this is a fascinating area and it's very strange that it isn't talked about more when people talk about software development and project management.
Funnily enough I've just started reading "Organization in the Mind" by David Armstrong which is looking at the same issues from a Pyschoanalytic and Group relations point of view - "Organizational Consultancy"
This looks like searching for the holy grail... I think it's very hard to separate feelings when having a (professional) conversation (whether difficult or not) and/or making a decision.
This reminds me of a series of articles I published on forecasting biases (I've linked the first article in the series), where feelings/ego/etc... play a negative role in project estimates.
I think this is a part of it and the whole slew of feelings that surround estimating - and how good or bad we can expect to be at estimating is very important.
One particularly nasty issue is how our over-optimism about estimation interacts with our massive psychological compulsion to be consistent with our word - which I wrote about just recently here. Optimistic estimation puts you in a terrible place psychologically, when you have to negotiate with your clients further down the road.
As a good friend of mine said recently "The only projects that we've made money on are the ones where we've admitted we don't know how long it will take and how much it will cost."
That wasn't quite what I said but I know what you mean.
That is nearer to the meaning of what has been said.
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